Not Quite Betty Crocker

My husband and I ran errands today, a plethora of errands large and small, some related to house management, others because I’m on the road (again) this week.  {Side note: remember when I said I wanted to travel more because my home office was lonely and quiiieeettt?  I must be more careful what I wish for in the future.}

We weren’t in the best of moods – him because he didn’t sleep well, me because I sprained my ankle (again) yesterday and am not looking forward to limping through airports with luggage in tow – and forever changing plans, as couples are wont to do.  He decided he wanted to play with his new toy (a blower) before heading to the old house to do a little bit of work.

Me: “Are you kidding me? If we don’t go now, I’ll start doing other things and don’t want to go.  That wasn’t the plan.”

Him: “Whatever.”

Then we went on about our business.  He pulled out his blower and I started on dinner.  And it struck me: my “no” was a total waste of breath.

I’m certainly willing to fight for what’s right, but lately I’m finding myself fighting for what’s mine.  “But we always do it your way,” I hear myself whine.  “What about my way?”  And suddenly I wondered how much of that has been on principle.  I disagreed with his change of plans not because it mattered, but because he was changing plans.

That’s been happening a lot lately – me disagreeing (in annoyance) because he’s reconsidering.

I’ve chalked it up to marital miscommunication, manly arrogance, or newlywed-itis, but never to my own self, not until I realized I was doing the same thing at work.  When offered the chance at exactly the thing I wanted, my first instinct was “but…”

“But I don’t think I can do 100% of what you want.”

“But I’ve never managed a team that large.”

“But I’m not sure what I want to do and what you want me to do are the same thing.”

{Don’t worry, I said all of that with significantly more diplomacy.}

When did I become such a naysayer?  Ugg.  So starting today, I have a new rule: I will search for the yes.  Ironically, negotiators are taught to look for the common ground, and as a good negotiator, I do that naturally… but only externally.  No more.

I’m off on a four day, two city jaunt, one that will start with facilitating a big change and (hopefully) end with a successful conclusion to the customer engagement I began last week.  Somewhere in the middle, I’ll be offered a job that I will take.  Hopefully I will have figured out an acceptable job description and compensation number by then, but regardless, I’m done focusing on the potential negatives. 

Wish me luck.

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I had a series of terrible dreams last night.  When I woke up, my first thought was, “Sheesh, I’m even a bitch in my dreams.”  Anyone else go through bitchy phases?