Not Quite Betty Crocker

Are you sick of reading about other people’s resolutions yet?  I am, but only halfway.  While I can’t stand the end of year round-ups everyone does, finding them overwhelming and stressful (am I really supposed to sit and click through the 100 best anything of any year, really?), I do find it interesting how others structure their resolutions.

There are the list-makers, the goal-setters, the pretending-I-don’t-do-resolutions-because-I’m-afraid-I’ll-fail people.  I’m a theme resolver. 

A few years ago was the year of “getting my shit together,” financially, emotionally, psychologically.  Then there was the “tie up loose ends” year – I finally did the paperwork for my divorce, paid some old random bills, and dumped stuff that wasn’t mine.  Last year was the year of “finding grace,” at which I obviously failed, but I learned a lot along the way about how I lose my shit when things don’t go well.

This year, then, is the year of not losing my shit.  I think I’ve learned enough to not only understand how things go badly, but stop them before we’re careening down a narrow road to an ugly crash.  That’s my goal, anyway, and I’m sure I’ll be blogging more about it all.

I’ve realized that I tend to lose my shit over little things – many, many, many little things.  Eventually all the shit-losing overflows into a storm of, well, shit.  The top blows and all the little frustrations turn into one gigantic relieving purge.  It’s not pretty. 

So in order to stop losing my shit in a big way, I have to find a way to manage it in all the small ways.

And I feel most crazy when it comes to money.  I have no perspective, so I can either not spend, or I can spend it all, but I’m completely lost in between.  I’ve stared at hair dryers for 20 minutes and ultimately walked out without a single one because I wasn’t sure if I was getting the best deal.  On a 20 dollar hair dryer.

Craaaaazy.

So my 2010 resolution is to spend big.  What does that mean?  It means that the thought of any purchase over a hundred dollars causes me great stress, so I debate and waffle and research and shut down.  In the meantime, I will have spent a hundred dollars on a bunch of little things I don’t even remember.  Okay, let’s be honest: multiple hundreds of dollars are spent while I hunt for a good deal that might save me ten bucks. 

This is crazy.

Instead, I’m keeping a “Things to Buy” list.  When I want something, it goes on the list.  When I spend money, it will be on something on the list BEFORE I buy something else.  And I’m trying to be specific.

Let’s take snowboard pants as an example.  My husband snowboards; we live 30 minutes from a little ski run; we live two hours from many other ski runs; snowboarding makes my husband happy.  I’ve decided to learn skiing/ snowboarding.

But I know that I hate to be unprepared so proper attire is necessary.  {I know, I know, you can wing it any number of ways.  I know this.  But I know that I will hate every moment.  So: proper attire.}  I tried on a bazillion pairs of pants and fell in love with some that were (wait for it) NOT ON SALE.  Not even a little bit.  So I looked around, tried them on three different times, looked around some more, and finally, with my husband pushing me into it, bought them.

AT FULL PRICE.

I love them.  Love, love.  Jump up and down love.  Wear them secretly because I love them, love.  Then wear them not-so-secretly while working in my home office because they’re warm and love them more, love.  Love.  This is $150 well spent.

So my list will say, “North Face LRBC Freedom Pants, XS, black” not “snowboard pants,” because my cheap and crazy-ass will buy cheap pants and hate them every minute rather than spending $60 extra for the ones I love if I’m not specific.  And I’ll spend that $60 on who-knows-what.

I’m also trying to be okay with the waffling and regret that comes with those kinds of purchases as just a part of the process for me, not a sign that it’s a bad decision.  I bought a jacket (on sale) that’s not at all what I would have thought I’d like, but I put it on and thought, “Yesss.”  Then my brain kicked in and started wondering whether the color and style were too “hi, I’m a wannabee hard-ass” and I’ve been stressing ever since.  Given a quick review of my purchase history, I’m sure that I’ve stressed over every good purchase I’ve made, so this probably is one.  We’ll see.

The mittens that don’t quite fit, though, are getting exchanged tonight.  No more "making it work,” Tim Gunn’s advice notwithstanding.

That’s what “spend big” means: spend money on things big enough to matter – the right things - rather than on a thousand little things that aren’t memorable.